If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
