His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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