walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
