Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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