He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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