how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize