the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
