The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
