I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
