I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
These tits shall not be calmed
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
