Just fell off a train. Bad.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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