I just made out with a guy for $7.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
