i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize