can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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