Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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