You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
