i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
