I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
