I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
