i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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