uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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