dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
