I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
