that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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