Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
