at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
