she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
