dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
