a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
