i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
