Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
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