I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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