just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
