I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
