Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
