I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize