apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
