I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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