Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize