Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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