sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm really busy with my period
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