woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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