I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This gyro tastes like lonliness
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
