Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
