Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
