I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
