she was so not down for the gang bang
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Bring me that man meat
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
