I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
