im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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