I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
