if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize