I think i sorta joined a cult last night
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
