I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
