Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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