Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
