so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
