she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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