she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm too high and old for this...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
