Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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