I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I want to fling myself into the sun
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
