would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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