I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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