its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
