I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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