The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
