I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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