This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
