JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
