Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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