You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm at about main and main street
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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