dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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