I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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