dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize