think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
