spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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