i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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