He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
