If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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