So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You ruined the universe
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize