trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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