Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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