I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
there is glitter all over my balls
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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