So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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