I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
