Can Purell be used as lube?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You took a bar mat shot.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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