hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
