Whatcha textin bout Willis?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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