SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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