We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
