evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Randomize