here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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