at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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