Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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