A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
How's work?
Spinning.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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