The best revenge is premature balding
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
