I never want to see another naked old woman again.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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