no, he came in my armpit
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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