If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
